I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Randomize
