It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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