Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
