So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
