she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
