He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
