You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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