can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
