Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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