he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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