I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We were destined to go to rehab together
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
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