god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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