it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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