I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
