This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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