We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
