I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
