Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
