She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
