so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
