i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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