another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
