I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
