she woke up with a sticky ear
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
