I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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