haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
