Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i think my cat just said my name.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
