Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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