i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
