"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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