Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
