Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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