I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
