It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
