capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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