I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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