Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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