i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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