he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
