thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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