when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
