PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
