when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
