grandma shit on top of the toilet
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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