you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
