what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
