i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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