Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
