I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
