I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
